beware the frost monster!

The windy city wind chills having been dropping faster than the Cubs standings in the Central division last year. (Sorry dear Cubs. Sometimes you just have to hit bottom…and you did!)

Of course, the Northeast wins the prize for awful this winter. Something like 72 inches of snow has fallen in Boston – so far. They’ve dealt with hurricane snow, nor’easter snow, monsoon snow, blizzard snow, thunder snow and it’s all been in the last two weeks. It’s no good! Add to that cold temperatures and ice and I’ll definitely take Chicago’s weather this year.

Over the weekend, I took a walk with my dog when it was -30 F with the windchill. It was one of those fake sunshiny mornings, when I bounded out of bed and out the door without checking first to see what the temperature was. (it was before coffee, what can I say?) As soon as the air hit my skin, I knew because it ached on contact. The alarm bells in my head went off, beware the “frost monster!”

The ‘frost monster’ is invisible. It sneaks around within the bright sunshine, blowing in and out of the tall black shadows of the trees, hungrily looking for bare digits to nip and bite. Somehow, I managed to escape out of my walk without incurring frostnip or frostbite. According to the Mayo clinic, staying out in the cold and wind too long increases the risk for frozen extremities. When the air temperature falls below 5 F (minus 15 C), and there are low wind speeds, exposed skin needs to be covered. In wind chills of minus 16 F and below (minus 27 C), frostbite can occur on exposed skin in less than 30 minutes. I shudder to think what could have happened if I wasn’t dressed in about 10 layers of clothing!

I’ve since purchased one of these things. It’s my new below zero uniform!

A walkable sleeping bag... AHAHAHA! :)  Seriously made me laugh so hard!

I’m not taking any exposure chances. Around the house, it’s awesome. Perfect for binge watching whatev on the couch or improvising an ab workout on the floor. The beauty of this bag is it traps and recirculates all your valuable body heat, thereby saving money on your heating bill. Genius!

Dogs need to go out? Just slip into a pair of fuzzy ugg boots and you are good to go. For a longer walk, the opening can be shrunk so that only your eyes are uncovered, and we all know the eyeballs have no feeling!

Unfortunately, the bag doesn’t allow for cooking, cleaning, shoveling or aerobic exercise involving the upper body. Darn!!

I hear the next generation of the bag will include a NASA waste evac system. Perfect, right?!! jk.

Alright, let’s just say you are all on your own if you are dealing with this subpar wind chill weather. Find some inside space, take a week off, try hot yoga, check out an online walk video. In other words think inside of the outside box. Here’s to moving forward and avoiding the frost monster!

Baby it's cold outside.. get your gloves on!
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