A very anxious walk and a random act of blindness

This past week, I was wide-eyed and indulgent, looking up at the clouds and getting lost in the dreams of my youth, the sky was my playground, full of visions and entertainment as I walked.

Today I look up, I unexpectedly see a plane, which causes me to shudder, look away and run into the house. A random act of blindness.

I can’t stop thinking about those people.

Those people are the ones who were up there on the plane, the plane from Malaysia. Those innocent people who could have been you or I or someone we love.

We’ve all been there, inside that plane bound for some destination too far away.

We know how it is in the dimly lit cabin, after the drinks, the snacks, maybe the dinner service is over. People are settled in, the kids and babies are arranged in their seats and everyone has gone to the bathroom for one last time. It’s quiet on board, and looking around, one sees many on the plane are in various contortions – they are the lucky ones, uncomfortably able to sleep. Some passengers sit properly, upright with their eyes shut as they think about a business meeting or how they look forward to visiting long awaited relatives or friends. Many others, lulled into the peaceful hum of the craft, (probably on autopilot as it comfortably glides along in it’s cruising altitude) find they are able to drift into and out of a dreamy state of mind. They are trying, trying to relax even though their heads are filled with anticipation. They are the ones of us taking vacations, going to conferences, starting new jobs, or returning home. The rest – nestled in, with faces that appear relaxed and ordinary as they listen to music, read, or comfortably watch a movie to pass the time, and then…gone! Just gone!

The innocent, doing innocent things are obliterated. And this happens because some Dr. Evil decided this would be the day he pushed a button.

I am horrified by war and terrorists and violence. I watch the news and I want to puke. I am left very empty, very sad and feeling very helpless.

I can only wonder… why? Why do people ‘not value’ other people?

My walk today is full of anxiety.

It doesn’t help that I live near O’Hare international airport and planes are always flying overhead, through my sky. Every few minutes, there is a reminder of Thursday’s tragedy for me.

My cloudscape visions have been temporarily interrupted by a terrorist. I can’t look up in the sky, because my sight is altered, by a random act of blindness. Today, try as I might, I can’t see the light which normally illuminates my mind. I only see the images of the innocent. That’s the thing, we temporarily lose some part of our vision when there is a tragedy.

We are all affected, we can’t help but become a grieving collective. We have been robbed of our humanity, our potential and it’s the saddest thing.

Grief blinds us. When we go through it, the pain is enormous and we can’t see beyond. As it fades, it changes us, in the aftermath we are left with a slight deprivation for awhile, our perception changes and we see things differently. Terrorists, criminals, bad people try to steal our light and our vision. They blind us with the darkness of grief and horror and fear.

I know it will take a couple of days before the planes go back to being background noise and silver flecks in my sky. I know I will be able to see and look again without feeling the darkness of this tragedy. But, I still can’t help wondering…

“Why?… Why do people ‘not value’ other people?”

Gandhi - vinyl wall quote - An eye for an eye
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